I have spent years trying to prove myself and my abilities to others.
During my undergraduate degree when I told people I was in physics, I was nearly always met with disbelief; that I “didn’t look” like I was in physics. I had to prove myself not only within heavily male-dominated environments in academia and in the financial industry, but also to other people in my life that didn’t believe that a) I was in a physics program in general, and b) that choosing that path was sustainable or acceptable. I found myself experiencing the same patterns in environments where I had to fight to be acknowledged and heard, where I was questioned and underestimated, and cases where I had to prove my intelligence and credibility. At the same time, I knew that my presence, along with the other women in the field, was important. I was cognizant of my role as a mentor for others, and I knew that being in these types of environments was also crucial for my success in the field. Ultimately, my interests began to change, and I decided to pursue my graduate degree in the field of neuroscience in the Leslie Dan Faculty of Pharmacy. However, my decision to leave physics carried with it a significant amount of guilt. I knew that the number of women in physics decreases dramatically at every stage – including from undergraduate to graduate studies – so staying in it had begun to feel like a duty. However, when we push these types of messages, when we encourage woman-identifying individuals to enter and stay in these fields, we need to ask ourselves what we are asking them to take on.
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